Friday, October 20, 2006

Well, this definitely made my day

So Halloween is less than two weeks away. As some of you may know, Halloween is more or less a national holiday at UNC, as 75,000 folks from across the Triangle pour onto a half-mile-long strip of Franklin Street to see how many people came as the "Free Breast Examinations" fallback this year. As fewer of you may know, I typically come up with my Halloween costume about two days before the event proper. This has led to fun consequences like 2004's Darth Nader and 2005's Rich Uncle Pennybags (aka 'the Monopoly Man'):


In fact, I wasn't even too keen on going this year--my apartment is a mile from campus, and the whole thing is starting to lose its novelty. But I have a SECRET MEETING for Di-Phi, and if I have to go down there I might as well dress up. Besides, I just came up with the Costume of the Year:

Ted Stevens (Sen. R-AK).

Sen. Stevens with an unidentified 'tube'.

You've heard Ted Stevens. Recall this quote:
Ten movies streaming across that, that internet, and what happens to your own personal internet? I just the other day got...an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday, I got it yesterday. Why? [...] They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck.

It's a series of tubes.
Yeah, the 'Series of Tubes' guy. People have tried to riposte, noting that 'pipe' is a common technical slang term and that 'tube' is a natural extension. But when you pull that verbal gaffe, combined with the... creative uses of the word 'Internet' seen above, combined with the fact that he's the chair of the committee regulating Internet usage, it all starts to become a small bit absurd.

This idea wouldn't be nearly as good a costume, however, if this was Sen. Stevens' own claim to fame. Like fellow mountainous-state Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), Stevens is well-known as one of the 'pork kings' of Congress, most noticably in his 'Bridge to Nowhere'.

So I have the suit, I have the glasses, I have the hair. The next step is to take some PVC pipe, pipe cleaners, etc., make the proper connections and add a cardboard sign. Care must be taken to specify that this concoction is not merely called 'INTERNET', but "AN INTERNET". Next comes a Bridge to Nowhere, which I'll make out of aluminum and toothpicks or something and have sticking out of said suit. Now here's where I need y'all's help.

As you can see in my lovely photo of Sen. Stevens, for issues he considers particularly important he is well-known for wearing a The Incredible Hulk tie. I would absolutely love to get my hands on one of these, but the only one on eBay won't get here until November. Does anybody know where I could find something like this, either locally or online? I could just print out a picture of the Hulk and pin that to a regular tie, but I've half-arsed too many Halloween costumes in the past as it is.

Secondly, I'm looking for Republican paraphernalia I could stick on my suit, to cement the connection in the minds of half-crazed Franklin-goers. I'm mainly thinking cheap buttons and the like here, and stuff about Alaska would be especially great. Any ideas?

Thanks. Yes, I guess I can put up pictures.

4 Comments:

At 1:03 AM, Anonymous Julie said...

I have a picture or two of you as Darth Nader if you would like to add it to this post. Also check Wal-Mart and Target for Hulk ties, it seems like something they may have (Hot Topic in the mall may also prove lucky). And finally if you had bugged me earlier I could have gotten you Republican stuff from the State Fair, although, interestingly I found the Libertarian and Democratic booths, but not the Republican one. However I know one was there as I saw plenty of the stickers.

 
At 12:31 AM, Blogger Ryan Veeder said...

I am double curious to see what Darth Nader looks like.

 
At 5:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You don't want to know how bad that outfit was.

Really.

-Brice

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger Hads said...

Could you get away with using a Hulk T-shirt, maybe? I see lots of those...

 

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